The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
