I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
