pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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