Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
