He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
