My nipple is on Facebook.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
