he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
