His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
