You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
