Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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