Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
