herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
