Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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