I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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