Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
