we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
