Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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