I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
