R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
operation harelip BJ is a go
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
