Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
