One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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