i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
