so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
