My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
