I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
