I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
