i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
