Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
