apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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