I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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