they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
