He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bring money and cleavage
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize