I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
