remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
