So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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