she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
