he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
