i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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