Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I will die if light touches me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize