Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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