I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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