my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
