I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
