remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
only if we run a train.
done.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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