If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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