Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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