can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
