I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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