You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
