I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
