he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
