Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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