guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
