I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
