How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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