A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
