He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
