Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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