You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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