it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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