Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
