Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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