its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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