I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
