Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
