My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize