what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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