hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
where are you?
Hypothermia
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
