Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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