just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
