You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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