What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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