Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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