..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize