May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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