I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
