Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
