I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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