everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
