So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
