peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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