Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
