he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
