I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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