I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
