And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
