So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
