a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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