remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
