Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
