Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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