I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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