Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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