3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
