he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
